Straw Poll

Ken Mehlman has kindly allowed me to respond to a GOP opinion poll regarding the 2006 elections. The poll is full of emotionally worded responses and Orwellian doublespeak GOP euphemisms so it's a bit tough deciding which items I should check, but let's work our way through it here. I'll put my thoughts and interpretations of how my vote would read to these Republican pollsters in square brackets [].

Question 1: Which issues will be most important in determining your vote this November? (select up to three)
* Keeping Taxes Low [operating government on a deficit while cutting social programs]
* Immigration & border security [controlling the immigrant workforce by using fear]
* Winning the War On Terror [building permanent bases in Iraq and attacking Iran]
* Growing Our Economy [growing the national debt and maintaining a wartime economy]
* Improving education [working to privatize primary and secondary education and reducing federal spending for college]
* Increasing access to affordable health care [keeping the status quo]
* Protecting Social Security [passing Social Security privatization this year despite its low appeal to Americans]
* Energy independence [maximizing profits for the energy industry giants]
* Appointing qualified judges [appointing conservative Republican judicial activists who won't hold Republicans accountable for anything they do but will advance the conservative Republican agenda from the bench]
* Strengthening marriage and the family [insisting that laws be passed that require that alternative lifestyles be practiced only in the closet, not openly]
* Morals and ethics in government [shutting off funding for Democrats while changing public opinions about Republican financing practices]
[Now let's see. Which of these items should I select? Can I get away with not checking any of them?]

Question 2: What is the most important reason for maintaining and expanding our Republican majorities in 2006?
* To ensure that America continues to stand united and strong in fighting the War on Terror [to support President Bush's plan to remain in Iraq and Afghanistan indefinitely and attack Iran with nuclear weapons while using terrorism as an excuse for war wherever the US has oil interests]
* To help President Bush enact his reform agenda for America [converting American government into a corrupt, corporate-driven totalitarian one-party regime]
* To keep Democrat leaders like Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Howard Dean from pushing through their extreme left-wing agenda [to maintain and expand the political divisiveness in the US]
* To make President Bush's tax cuts permanent and keep our economy growing [to fund government on borrowed money and thus expand the money supply]
* To uphold our nation's bedrock values [to maintain the perception that the United States is an anglo white male dominated patriarchal society]
[Well gee, here we are again in a quandary. I suppose as far as the Republicans are concerned, the first is the most important, making sure this Republican government seals itself as a totalitarian ruler. But I think I'll leave this one blank as well.]

Question 3: If the Democrats win control of the Congress in 2006, what is the one thing you would be most worried would happen?
* Democrats will try to censure or impeach President Bush [imagine the Republican shame if this happened, not to mention that it would demonstrate Republican weakness!]
* Democrat would raise your taxes [heaven forbid that we should actually attempt to balance the budget with tax money]
* Democrats would cut and run from the central front in the War on Terror [America might actually seek peace in the Middle East]
* Democrats would sell out American values to Hollywood liberals [oh God! Hollywood liberals!]
* Democrats would impose government-run health care [and what, shut down private health care?]
[I strike out again. Three for three. What's going on here? I guess I don't worry much about the Democrats or Hollywood. I don't share your fears, sorry. It's you Republicans that have me worried. Vote Democrat! Or better yet, elect third party or independent peacemakers!]

Question 4: As you know, President Bush has announced a bold reform agenda for 2006. Which of his initiatives is most important to you? (select one)
* Fighting and Winning the War on Terror [waging perpetual war]
* Comprehensive immigration reform that secures our borders [maintaining low wages by subjecting immigrant workers to fear of prison or worse while feeding the fear of Americans to all foreigners outside our fortified borders unless they are wealthy conservative investors]
* Making tax relief permanent for all taxpayers [transitioning our government to living on credit while justifying eliminating social programs]
* Making America more competitive in the global marketplace [forcing American workers to compete with the cheapest labor the globe has to offer and thus substantially lowering the wages of the typical American worker while eliminating benefit packages for the working class and supporting corporations that outsource as much of their work as possible to maximize corporate profits]
* Reducing America's dependence on foreign sources of energy by half [half of what? Pardon my confusion here but I seem to recall some confusion over just what was meant by this suggestion back when it was proposed]
[Hey, this is even worse than a strike out. What ever became of the Republican Party that I used to know?]

Question 5: From which sources do you receive most of your news and political information? (select multiple)
* ABC News
* CBS News
* NBC News
* Fox News Channel
* CNN
* MSNBC
* News websites
* Blogs
* Daily Newspaper
* Radio
* E-mail
* News/Opinion Magazines
* Friends and Family
* Other ___________ [What's this for, PBS? Or is PBS something Republicans aren't supposed to watch?]
[At least there's somewhere in this survey where I can check a few things.]

Question 6: On a scale of 0 to 10, how likely is it that you would recommend voting Republican in the next election to a friend or a colleague?
[This scale is a drop-down list that doesn't include negative numbers. Darn! They took all the fun out of it!]

Question 7: As an online activist, what features would you like to see on GOP.com? (select multiple)
* More ways to connect with fellow Republicans [How many Republicans does it take to set up an open forum? I dunno, how many? I don't know either, It's never been done.]
* Volunteer opportunities in my area [sharpshooters needed for anti abortion clinic rally]
* Web videos & podcasts with key newsmakers [Foxpod]
* Online polls [like this one?]
* The latest breaking news [FoxGOP]
* Information on the issues important to me [liberal bashing techniques? A GOP doublespeak dictionary?]
* Information on GOP candidates and elected officials [propaganda or the truth?]
* Online Diaries from GOP political leaders [written by staff speech writers?]
* Other _________ [How about an online tracking system to identify Republican ethics violations and the measures being pursued to bring the Republican Party back into the fold with the average ethical American voter?]

Question 8: In what year were you born?
[Ooo, ooo! Another easy one!]

Question 9: Did you vote in the year 2004?
* Yes
* No
[Where's the response for "Yes I did but it was on a Diebold voting machine so I'm not so sure"?]

Question 10: Please share any additional comments below
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Now that wasn't so hard, was it? I didn't have to waste a bunch of mouse clicks with this GOP propaganda stunt masquerading as an Orwellian doublespeak survey. Now it's your turn, or as they say in the survey, "Please share any additional comments below".