Eden Hill Journal

Comments, dreams, stories, and rantings from a middle-aged native of Maine living on a shoestring and a prayer in the woods of Maine. My portion of the family farm is to be known as Eden Hill Farm just because I want to call it that and because that's the closest thing to the truth that I could come up with. If you enjoy what I write, email me or make a comment. If you enjoy Eden Hill, come visit.

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Location: Maine, United States

Sunday, February 25, 2018


(Originally intended to be an email to a friend)

I was just up in the kitchen getting a snack and something dawned on me that probably should have dawned on me a long time ago.

Back in 1997 I think it was, but maybe '96, I had a student in the computer class I was teaching and there was this attraction that seemed mutual between her and me and eventually after the semester was over it turned into a risky romance kind of thing. It never went beyond kissing but she had me seriously infatuated with her. My wife found out or I told her but I remember my wife saying this girl's mother was a serious alcoholic. Then she told me how abusive people like this girl's mother will quite often get their kids to work really hard at trying to please the abusive parent. I couldn't make sense of that when she told it to me and I haven't made sense of it since although I imagined it was true.

Well a few minutes ago it finally did make sense.

You know that my wife treats me like I'm from the devil, going so far as to tell some people she thought I had demons. She's never really come out and admitted that it was a stupid thing for her to do or to think which leads me to believe she still thinks that way. She treats me as though nothing I do for her could possibly be the Lord working through me.

Well I got to thinking and I realized that my reaction to her treating me that way has been to prove to her that I am a deserving person.

[  Large hammer drops on Bill's head sending bright flashes of realization throughout his brain  ]

In other words she says these verbally abusive things specifically to get me to try to prove myself by working hard for her.

I left her a note explaining this on the refrigerator door. She's at church right now with all her Christian friends.



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