Painfully Familiar

Today my wife and I rehashed the same old argument we've hashed over for the past twenty or more years. Each time we do it there's more clarity for me about what is actually going on. I wish I could say the same for her but the signs of progress are never there. Every time we have the talk it always ends the same way with her convincing herself that I am oppressively victimizing her and that the whole thing just needs to be forgotten so she can go on running her life... and mine... using all her usual tricks - tricks that she learned from her parents, both of whom were the dominant type, covertly of course.
I kind of think of myself as someone who needs a mate who walks beside me, not ahead of me or behind me but beside me. I need someone who will communicate with me rationally. My wife's not like that. She thinks reason is just another tool of manipulators. When I try to reason with her she convinces herself that I'm trying to manipulate her. It doesn't seem to even cross her mind that I'm trying to enlighten her and myself about the nature of our problems. Instead she resists using her arsenal of tricks and in the end feigns submission and short circuits the whole discussion.
I came up with an analogy today, something I've never thought of before. You all know what a "black hole" is in astronomy. If not, look it up. So I asked myself what becomes of God's love when it gets sucked into a black hole. If I were to guess, my guess is that it's never seen again. The analogy is that the kind of lifestyle where everything is perceived as a matter of dominance and submission is in essence a black hole, especially when it comes to love. Feed love into that mindset and whatever the result, it's not love. Dominance/submission sucks love right out of existence.
My wife didn't take it very well when I brought that to her attention. She thinks the lack of love is all my doing.

Well after our talk someone I was listening to mentioned this discussion on YouTube. It's painful to watch, but oh my god does this ever seem like a perfect example of what it's like when I try to discuss our marital problems with my wife. I had to turn it off after a half hour or so. I relate to the interviewer, Candace Owens. She's interviewing the head of Black Lives Matter who uses every trick in the book to paint Blacks as victims in order to rationalize their anger. Candice is known in part for her insistence that victimhood really isn't a good way to get ahead in this world. She's trying to enlighten while he tries to invalidate her and dominate the conversation in order to justify Black victimhood.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying Black Lives Matter doesn't have some valid points. Candace isn't saying that either. What I am saying is that using tricks to dominate a conversation rather than using reason and dialog to enlighten really is unpleasant. It's a turn-off. Dominance/submission is a huge turn-off.
So yeah, this is how my wife and I talk over our problems...
The Candace Owens Show: Hawk Newsome